Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – OCTOBER 23 - 29, 2006
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MISCELLANEOUS
4200-Year-Old Tombs of Dentists Found in Egypt
Buried nearby, 4200-year-old magazines.
21 Locations Selected for Vote on New Seven Wonders of the World
Ten of them have casinos.
Bad News: Average Daily
Commute Getting Longer

Good news: you’ve been laid off.
 
EDUCATION
Playing Tag Banned at Some
Elementary Schools

Limits also placed on gunplay.
 
SPORTS
Threat to Bomb 7 NFL Stadiums
Proves False

FBI suspects member of extremist fantasy football league.
Croatian Soccer Fans Form Swastika at Recent Game
Suggests there are plenty of good seats still available for upcoming contests.
SPECIAL FEATURE
Dear Dear-Leader Kim:
Welcome to the Nuclear Club. By setting off a nuclear device, you have fulfilled the only requirement for membership. Members are privileged to enjoy lunch and dinner at the Club with up to two guests. There is also complimentary parking for up to four hours with validation, and you may threaten or intimidate other countries in your region, depending on the range of your missiles. Drinks at our bar may be enjoyed from noon to 2 am closing. Unfortunately, pets are not allowed in the Club.
Cordially,
New Members Committee,
The Nuclear Club
 
ALSO IN THE NEWS . . .
Rep. John Murtha Arrested, Tortured, Secretly Tried, Publicly Executed
Urged withdrawal of U.S. troops from Iraq.

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