Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – OCT 30 - NOV 5, 2006
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SPORTS
NBA: Players Hate, Coaches Love New Ball
Built-in timer delivers electric shock every time it’s held for more than five seconds.
 
WAR ON TERROR
  Profiles of Our FBI Security Forces
  Acronym:   ITOS  
  Full Name:   International Terrorism Operations Sections  
  Function:   Coordinates all foreign terrorist investigations  
  Agents With Any Familiarity With Arabic:   4  
  Agents Ranked Above Elementary Proficiency In Arabic:   0  
  Fun Fact:
  Although the goal of the FBI is better interaction with foreigners, if you've ever had any interactions with foreigners, you can't get a Security Clearance.  
The United States Embassy in Iraq is being built by:
  A )U.S. soldiers.
  B )Iraqis hired by the U.S. State Dept.
  C )Slave laborers brought to Iraq from India, Pakistan and the Philippines by a Kuwaiti contractor.
  D )Robots from the planet Klandor-9.
Hint: They ain't robots, Iraqis would be too scared to work for the U.S., and our troops are busy. Try another answer.

How many independent militias are currently operating in Baghdad?
  A )3
  B )5
  C )23
  D ) If you have to ask, you can't afford to be there.
Hint: You may choose both C) and D).
 
ALSO IN THE NEWS . . .
Voters in 7 States Can Vote to Protect Homeowners From Unfair Use of Eminent Domain Laws for Private Gain
While stripping away the right to protect environment from unlimited development.

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