Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – NOVEMBER 6 - 12, 2006
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ART
Jackson Pollock Painting Reportedly Sells for $140 Million
Drop cloth it was painted on sells for $50 million.
 
SPORTS
NFL Joins Fight Against
Childhood Obesity

Offers free vasectomies to all offensive linemen.
 
ENVIRONMENT
Study: Global Warming to Cost
Approximately $4 Trillion by
End of Century

Three trillion, nine hundred and ninety-seven billion, four hundred and eighty-six million, five hundred and forty-two thousand, three hundred and ten dollars and sixteen cents, to be exact.
 
KIDZ KORNER
Vocabulary Builders
chaos n. (technical term used by military) state into which country descends after 3 years of occupation by foreign power, high unemployment, lack of electricity and potable water, and civil war unleashed by centuries of religious hatreds.
FEATURE
U.S. forces in Iraq are using a machine to translate for them when attempting to communicate with Iraqis. Which of the following phrases are most used?
  A ) “Get out of the car.”
  B ) “Put your hands on the wall.”
  C ) “Sit down!”
  D ) “Stand up!”
  E ) “We must search you now.”
  F ) “Everybody stop talking.”
  Hint: You may choose all of the above.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
Feds Now Pushing Abstinence
For Adults

Primarily to married Democrats of child-bearing age.
 
NEW PRODUCTS
Wonderjock Goes On Sale
Available in Small, Medium and Very Insecure.

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