Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – NOVEMBER 13 - 19, 2006
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PEOPLE
Cuban Foreign Minister Says Fidel Will Celebrate 80th Birthday in December
But due to illness, will cut his speech to 8 hours.
 
BUSINESS
Ford: Doors Could Fly Open on
140,000 ’05, ’06 Sedans, Minivans

Simultaneously.
KFC to Stop Using Trans Fats
Will switch to healthier motor oil.
 
POLITICS
Committee Chairs to Change
After Democratic Takeover in
Senate
(see chart below)
SCIENCE
Study: Jet Lag Shortens
Life Span of Mice

Conclusion: mice should drive or take the train.
Male Panda in Zoo to Be Shown
Porn Video After Dinner in
Hopes He'll Mate

“Works for me.” says zookeeper.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Study: Red Wine Linked to Longevity
And fatal car accidents.
 
RELIGION
Focus on the Family Founder Dobson Backs Out of Pledge to Counsel Rev. Haggard
Reveals he's also strung out on meth.
  Committee   New Chair   Replaces  
  Environment   Barbara Boxer   Cruella DeVille  
  Armed Services   Carl Levin   Darth Vader  
  Judiciary   Patrick Leahy   Lex Luthor  
  Health, Education & Labor   Ted Kennedy   Simon Legree  
  Foreign Relations   Joe Biden   Captain Hook  
  Intelligence   John D Rockefeller IV   Torquemada  

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