Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – DECEMBER 4 - 10, 2006
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MISCELLANEOUS
Scientists Blend 20 Comics' Faces to Create “Perfect Face” for Comedy
Unfortunately, they fail to create “perfect face” for comedy writing.
 
SPORTS
NBA: Players Sue League
Over New Ball

Find surface harder to sign autographs.
 
CURRENCY
Mint Unveils Series of Coins Depicting Every Dead President
Will also bring out special “lame duck” series.
 
ALSO IN THE NEWS . . . 
 
Federal Help Wanted Posting
of the Week

Sycophants to work for President, telling him he's right about Iraq. No experience necessary, need urgent, start today.
FEATURE
Iran and Syria are going to help us figure out how to extricate ourselves from Iraq because:
A ) They're just really, really nice guys.
B ) They hate to see us in this fix.
C ) It is not in their self interest to see the United States tied up like this.
D ) They are under strict orders from their masters on the planet Prylon-9.
Hint: the regional peace conference we have in mind also includes representatives from the planet Prylon-9.
 
TRENDS
Experts Blame Uptick in Bullying to “Bully” Video Game (shown)
Blame uptick in corruption to “Abramoff” video game (not shown).

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