Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – DECEMBER 18 - 24, 2006
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PEOPLE
World's Tallest Man Saves Dolphins By Pulling Plastic From Their Stomachs
Later, 7'9" Bao Xishun rescues two bears from a tree, an elephant stuck on an escalator and a couple of whales trapped inside a crosstown bus.
Nicole Richie Cited for Driving Under Influence on Wrong Side of Freeway
Her rep says she's begun attending AA and AAA meetings.
 
THE WAR
Pentagon Handbook:
How to Train Iraqi Troops
  1. Find translator still alive.
  2. Protect translator.
  3. Determine which militia trainees are part of, adjust message accordingly.
  4. Pushups.
  5. Marching.
  6. Shouting.
  7. More marching.
  8. Concept: chain-of-command.
  9. Concept: orderly retreat.
  10. Good-bye and good luck ceremony.
SCIENCE
NASA: Photos Show Signs of
Water on Mars

And remnants of an ark.
 
 
World's First Cloned Cat Has Kittens
Each kitten will be cloned and have kittens, and so forth and so on.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
High Tech Latex Spray Condom: Insert Penis, Press Button
Users say it's better than sex.
Study: Vegetarians Have Higher IQ's
But they were even higher before they became vegetarians.
Substance in Red Wine Extends
Life Span of Mice

Sometimes makes them pick fights with cats, reducing life span.
 
CORRECTION
 
We reported that a pre-invasion War Game resulted in victory for U.S. forces in Iraq. In fact, the U.S. forces were stymied by a persistent, low-tech insurgency. The game was then cancelled, the Marine General who commanded the insurgent forces resigned in protest, and the game was then replayed until the desired outcome was achieved. We regret any confusion caused by our mistake.

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