Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – JANUARY 22 - 28, 2007
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NEW PRODUCTS
The Toilet That Doubles as an Aquarium!
You may remember this product as “The Aquarium That Doubles as a Toilet!” Well, it's back, and at a much more reasonable price. $400, at all Pets 'n' Pipes (installation not included).
 
SPORTS
Dodgers Add “All-You-Can-Eat”
Section to Bleachers

Will be kept separate from “all-you-can-drink” section.
Rangers' Signing of Sosa One More Repudiation of President Bush
Who traded him away in 1989.
Pillow Fight League Playoffs Begin
Sport could be in next Olympics.
 
KIDZ KORNER
Vocabulary Builders

chutzpah n. (Yiddish) nerve, demanding something which one does not deserve, as in, “Attorney General Gonzalez asked the Senators to trust him about the surveillance program, based on his record, a remarkable display of ~.”
FEATURE
Edward Gibbon, in Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire, wrote:
A ) Having an empire is awesome!
B ) To conquer is good, to dominate is way cool!
C ) There is nothing more contrary to nature than to attempt to hold in obedience distant provinces.
Hint: think “decline and fall of ...”

The country which has suspended habeas corpus for the first time since it was established in 1215 due to fear of a tiny extremist group is known as:
A ) the land of the free.
B )the home of the brave.
C ) Palookaville.
Hint: Palookaville is not a country.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
Study: Least Confident, Unhappiest Students Do Best in Math
Conclusion: beware of cheerful CPAs.
Study Claims Snap Judgments Best
“Our snap judgment was they weren't,” says study's director.

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