Ironic Times

page one
PAGE TWO – FEBRUARY 5 - 11, 2007
page three

PEOPLE
Al Franken Will Run for Senate
If elected, he’ll join 99 other comedians.
 
ENTERTAINMENT
Tens of Millions Watch Super Bowl Commercials
Many also watch Super Bowl.
TV: “Haji's Heroes” Cancelled by Fox
Sitcom about goofy bunch of Gitmo detainees never caught on with public.
Nielsen to Count College Dorms
Ratings will be sent directly to Budweiser's advertising agency.
 
BUSINESS
Exxon Breaks Own Record
For Annual Profits

“It just keeps getting better,” says spokesman.
Ford Drops to #4 in Sales, Behind GM, Toyota, Daimler-Chrysler
Still ahead of Hot Wheels.
SCIENCE
Panel: Man to Blame for
Global Warming

Specifically, one man: George W. Bush.
New Microchip Size of One White
Blood Cell Can Hold Entire
Declaration of Independence

Or entire Patriot Act, whichever is in force.
 
At Kentucky's Creation Museum, Dinosaurs, Humans Coexist
In biblical land of Bedrock.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Smokers With Brain Injuries to Insula Able to Kick Habit Quickly and Easily
Smokers advised to hit selves in head with hammer.
 
CORRECTION
 
Last week, due to a typo, we quoted President Bush as saying, "We have no intention of attacking Iraq." In fact, he actually said, "We have no intention of attacking Iran." Our apologies for the error.

FRONT PAGE
PAGE TWO
PAGE THREE
ARCHIVE
CONTACT
STORE
   Copyright 2007 Ironic Times