Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – FEBRUARY 19 - 25, 2007
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NEW PRODUCTS
Toys of Future Introduced at
New Toy Expo
 
  Among those drawing the curious (from left to right): a round rubber sphere that can be “bounced, rolled or even thrown back and forth with a friend”; colorful elongated plastic needles you drop and pick up for “endless fun”; a smaller rubber sphere and a handful of futuristic metal objects in “the ultimate game of multi-tasking.”
 
MISCELLANEOUS
New Mexico Places Talking Urinal
Cakes in Bars, Restaurants

Patrons hear messages like, “Don't forget to flush,” “Don't forget to wash your hands” and “Don't forget to zip your fly.”
 
SPORTS
Spring Training: Outlook
Dim for All 30 Teams

None can reach postseason, at least on paper.
Barry Bonds Signs, Seems Certain to Break Aaron's Mark
Unless he becomes allergic to needles.
FEATURE
Timothy McVeigh, who blew up the federal building in Oklahoma City and hoped to start a revolution in the U.S., was dealt with:
A ) By the President of the United States throwing the Constitution into the toilet, suspending habeas corpus, using torture on U.S. citizens and citizens of other countries, and invading a country which had nothing to do with the Oklahoma City bombing, thereby igniting a catastrophic civil war.
B ) By the TransGalactic Strike Force, using the Uniform code of Interplanetary Justice.
C ) By local, state and federal police and their justice systems, using laws available at the time.
Hint: it's the least exciting option.
 
MILESTONES
Co-Inventor of TV Remote Dies
From lack of exercise.
 
ALSO IN THE NEWS . . .
Scalia’s Daughter Charged With DUI
Says she's prepared to take her case “all the way to the Supreme Court.”

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