Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – MARCH 5 - 11, 2007
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PEOPLE
Al Sharpton Descended From Slave Owned by Strom Thurmond's Relatives
Discovery made by Thurmond's grandson, who is Sharpton's chauffeur.
Cheney Almost Hit By Bomb in Afghanistan
Calls it “positive sign.”
 
ENTERTAINMENT
TV Programming for Children
Under 2 Growing

Most of it ends up in prime time.
 
BUSINESS
New Insider Trading Scandal
Centers on Hedge Funds

Extremely wealthy investors allegedly conspired to become unfuckingbelievably wealthy investors.
Bird Housing Market Collapses
Experts blame overbuilding.
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Report: Vitamin Supplements May Actually Shorten Life
Public urged to scratch their heads.
Britain to Pay Women Who
Donate Eggs

On sliding scale for large, extra-large, jumbo.
 
REMINDER
  In a few years, robots will take over.
 
SCIENCE
Mysterious 2400-Year-Old
“13 Towers” in Peru Found to
Be Solar Calendar

According to replicas sold in nearby gift shop.
 
POLITICS
Edwards's Virtual Campaign Headquarters Trashed
Candidate's avatar said to be “shaken.”

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