Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – APRIL 9 - 15, 2007
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PEOPLE
Keith Richards Dropped From Disney Publicity Tour After Saying He Snorted Father's Ashes
And used ice cubes made from Walt Disney.
Geraldo, O'Reilly Engage in Heated On-Air Argument
Which both lose.
 
MEDIA
Struggling Chicago Tribune Co.
Sold to Billionaire Investor

Sam Zell tells anxious employees of his plans to “fire all of you and sell what's left for scrap.”
 
BUSINESS
UK Firm Unveils World's First Million Dollar Laptop
Hopes to sell one.
 
CONSUMER ALERT
More Toy Recalls Announced
If you have purchased any of the following, please return them at once:
 
 My First Forensic Kit
   (Gun powder ineffective when damp)
 American Idol, Jr.
   (Microphone not grounded)
 Wiffle Cudgels
   (Slight concussion risk)
 Easy Bake Hair Dryer
   (Defective timer)
 Introduction to Alchemy
   (Not enough lead)
SCIENCE
Consensus Growing Among Scientists That Global Warming Exists
Consensus also growing among scientists paid by Exxon that it doesn't.
GPS Navigation Systems Affected by Solar Flares
Thousands of drivers may make unexpected left turns into neighbors' living rooms.
 
 
Single Gene Determines Dog's Size
Also its slobber.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Secondhand Smoke Blamed in Lung Cancer Deaths
Surgeon General has determined knowing someone who smokes can be harmful to your health.
 
CORRECTION
We reported that the $1.5 million to develop a database matching the $7.5 billion in Iraq reconstruction funds to officials who authorized them had been awarded to RMI on the basis of competitive bidding. In fact, it was awarded to the company, a one person company headquartered in a residence in Babylon, New York, as a "sole source company," where only one company is considered qualified for the work. RMI, which had been incorporated seven weeks before getting the contract, has finished its work without compiling the required database. We apologize for any confusion caused by our mistake.

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