Ironic Times

page one
PAGE TWO – MAY 28 - JUNE 3, 2007
page three

PEOPLE
“Roving Ambassador” Bill Clinton Raising Funds for Wife's Campaign
(Shown) Bubba putting squeeze on Sharon Stone.
Pope Benedict Once Again
Opens Mouth

To change feet.
Wolfowitz, Girlfriend Reportedly Split
Each agrees it's time to begin seeing other warmongers.
 
ENTERTAINMENT
Mickey Mouse Rip-Off Preaches Holy War on Hamas TV
Then shows cartoons.
 
BUSINESS
Secretive Carlyle Group Will
Sell Shares to Public

Membership in Illuminati not included.
Boeing Rolls Out First Commercial Airliner Designed For Americans
Features wider aisles, roomier seats, bigger barf bags.
SCIENCE
Big Bang Theory Debunked in
Latest Meteorite Analysis

Universe may have begun with long, boring overture.
Researchers to Test Retrocausality, or Traveling Back in Time
Will be first such test, they think.
 
 
New Camera Tracks Eyeball Movements
It's being marketed primarily to jealous wives.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
One Drink a Day May Slow
Mental Decline in Elderly

Seniors urged to patronize restaurants with Early Bird Happy Hours.
 
ENVIRONMENT
Study: Forests in Northern
Hemisphere May Contribute
To Global Warming

Prompting EPA call for more acid rain.
 
ALSO IN THE NEWS . . .
Executive Order Gives Bush Authority
To Seize Absolute Power
Slay enemies, seize their assets, sit on throne.

FRONT PAGE
PAGE TWO
PAGE THREE
ARCHIVE
CONTACT
STORE
   Copyright 2007 Ironic Times