Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – JUNE 18 - 24, 2007
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ENVIRONMENT
Florida to Remove 700,000 Tires From Ocean Floor
Will dump them in nearby landfill.
 
POLITICS
Democrats Planning for 2008
Devising complex strategy to blow election with GOP discredited, electorate wanting change.
Spielberg Backs Hillary
In unrelated development, her campaign chooses theme music from Jaws.
 
FEATURE
The subject of the news quiz this week can’t be named due to:
  A ) the sensitivity of the issue.
  B ) fear of retribution.
  C ) the fact that we are not authorized to speak about this news quiz.
  Hint: the hint is classified.
KIDZ KORNER
Write Your Own News Story
Just Fill In the Blanks


____, a key official of the Office of ____ in the Department of _____, testified in front of the _____ Committee that s/he could not recall having violated the law on ____ occasions, despite evidence that s/he did. A letter signed by __ former members of the Office of ___ complained that ____ was abusing the office for political purposes. ___ did not recognize ____ documents which s/he had signed, could not remember ___ meetings and ___ phone calls vividly recalled by others. Members of the _____ Committee expressed a mixture of disbelief and frustration.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
UN Declares Gandhi's Birthday as Day of Non-Violence
Every other day people can beat the crap out of each other.
Alligator Petting Farm Closes
Owner blames “weak economy.”

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