Ironic Times

page one
PAGE TWO – SEPTEMBER 10 - 16, 2007
page three

PEOPLE
Craig Reconsiders Resigning From Senate
Barricades himself in Senate Men's Room.
ANIMALS
Leona Helmsley's Dog Run Over
By grandchildren.
 
ENTERTAINMENT
New Study: Watching TV Poses
Attention Deficit Disorder Risk

Public urged to get rid of their TV's.
 
BUSINESS
International Survey: American Workers Most Productive
Although most of them are in India.
 
HIGH TECH
More Tech Help Being
Outsourced to Caribbean

Expect to hear “It's your router that's at fault, mon” when you call.
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Study: Early Risers at Higher
Heart Risk

Early to rise, early to bed, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and dead.
Chemical Which Gives Buttery
Flavor to Microwave Popcorn
May Cause Lung Disease

Other than that, diacetyl is every bit as healthy as it sounds.
 
In Tests, Chimps Outscore Babies in Variety of Learning Skills
Chimps demonstrate faster cognition times in mental contests such as Pick the Real Banana, Coconut Hunt and How to Get the Ants Out.
 
SCIENCE
Arctic Could Be Ice-Free in 23 Years
Sooner, if you buy that SUV.
Scientists Discover “Skinny” Gene
They find it squeezed in between two “tubby” genes.

FRONT PAGE
PAGE TWO
PAGE THREE
ARCHIVE
CONTACT
STORE
   Copyright 2007 Ironic Times