| NEW PRODUCTS |
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Coming Soon: Cameras With
Face-Recognition Technology
Perfect gift for someone going to
their high school reunion. |
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| SPORTS |
|
Baseball to Place Asterisk
Next to
Every Record Before 1998
All so-called achievements during puny
pre-steroid era will be separated from
truly awesome numbers put up by today's
muscular heroes. |
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A-Rod Gets $280 Million
Deal From Yanks
Plus percentage of Iraq's oil revenues. |
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| FEATURE |
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| A woman who was gang
raped will be punished with a prison term and
200 lashes by: |
| A ) | our
ruthless foe, North Korea |
| B ) | our
sworn enemy, Iran |
| C ) | our
clearest threat, the Empire of Mars |
| D ) | our
good friend, Saudi Arabia |
Hint: When they’ve all had their troubles and parted,
We’ll be the same as we started,
Just travelin’ along,
Singin’ a song,
Side by side. |
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| This Week's
Question: |
| Does the 2nd
Amendment guarantee
individuals the right to
carry a deadly weapon? |
 |
Jesse James,
Famous Outlaw:
“I always assumed it
did. Besides, how else
can you rob a
train?” |
 |
John Dillinger,
Famous Criminal:
“'The right of
the people to keep and
bear arms' applied to
forming a militia to
prevent tyranny, not
allow every nut to walk
around with a
bazooka.” |
 |
Lee Harvey
Oswald, Famous Assassin:
“Yes, as long as
they're responsible and
know how to use it.” |
 |
Sirhan Sirhan,
Famous Prisoner:
“If it helps my
chances for parole, then
no, it does not.” |
 |
Arthur Bremer,
Famous Parolee:
“It's like that
picture that looks like
birds to some people,
fish to others. Me, I see
birds.” |
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