Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – DECEMBER 17 - 23, 2007
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NEW PRODUCTS
Electronic Tombstone Really Keeps Loved Ones in Your Memories!
Ask your elderly aunt to crack a few jokes for the camera, just don't tell her what it's for. Or get one of the pre-recorded videos, with actors fondly remembering the "dearly departed." $2150, at Graves Plus, Mausoleum Emporium, Tombstone Territory.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
Local Police Departments Face Shortage of Ammunition for Training
Complain bullets were wasted on ungrateful Iraqis.
Merriam-Webster's
Word of theYear: “w00t”

As in, “What the fuck is w00t?”
 
SPORTS
Baseball Trading Activity Picks Up
Teams swap sluggers on anabolic steroids for hurlers on human growth hormone.
New Soccer Ball Has Tracking Technology Inside
Sounds alarm every time a player fakes an injury.
FEATURE
Your Christmas decorations were made by
A ) the skill of unionized workers
B ) the diligence of Santa’s elves
C ) the forced labor of Chinese children
   Hint: deck the halls!
 
RELIGION
Watchdog Group: Priests Taught 6 Million Children How To Protect Themselves From Sexual Predators
Experience being best teacher.
 
Government Job Opportunity
of the Week


Scapegoat to take the blame for the destruction of CIA torture tapes, divert public attention from highest officials in DOJ and White House and their enablers and apologists in Congress who initiated, designed, condoned and justified torture. Excellent pay and benefits, guaranteed pardon.

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