Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – JANUARY 14 - 20, 2008
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PEOPLE
Scandal: New Miss Belgium Doesn't Speak Dutch
And she hates waffles, chocolate.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
Bush Administration Unveils Plan for National Identity Card
If you've got one (above) you can go anywhere without being hassled.
 
NEW PRODUCTS
Versatile Combination Taser/MP3 Player Does it All!
Set for stun or skip a track, this jukebox with a jolt packs up to 50,000 volts and 75,000 songs. Warning: “Fire” and “Mute” share the same button. $399, at Overkill Overstock and Enough Already.
FEATURE
Fill in the Blank:  Our _____ men and women in uniform.
  A ) unfortunate
  B ) stranded
  C ) betrayed
  D ) brave
If you donít know the answer, you havenít heard many speeches by politicians lately.
 
TRENDS
British Standard of Living Surpasses That of U.S.
Based on quality of boiled beef, warm ale and soccer.
 
CORRECTION
Last week, in a story about a naval incident in the Strait of Hormuz, we mistakenly published a picture of President Bush's father's cigarette boat as the Iranian vessel threatening our fleet. While they are roughly the same size, the actual boat is shown above. We regret the error.

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