Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – FEB 25 - MAR 2, 2008
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NEW PRODUCTS
Mattel Debuts Jewel-Encrusted $140,000 Hot Wheels Car
Limited edition toy will be sold only until the fall of Western civilization.
 
ENVIRONMENT
UN Report: Ocean Recovery
From Warming Damage Will
Take a Million Years

“Only the blink of an eye in cosmic time,” it concludes.
 
EDUCATION
Florida to Allow Use of Word
“Evolution” in School Texts

Breakthrough could eventually lead to students walking upright.
 
CORRECTION
 
Last week, due to a production error, we mistakenly quoted GOP presidential hopeful John McCain as saying, "I hope to avoid him like the plague." In fact, his actual statement was, "I welcome the President's endorsement." We apologize for any confusion.
FEATURE
The relationship between Senator John McCain and the top lobbyist who represented corporate interests for whom McCain did political favors was:
A ) sexual.
B ) romantic but not sexual.
C ) really friendly but neither sexual nor romantic.
D ) just your routine, everyday quid pro quo, you-scratch-my-back-I'll-scratch-yours kind of thing.
Hint: backscratching doesn’t have to be sexual or romantic.
 
SPORTS
Baseball: Spring Training Opens
Ballplayers stretch, jog, apologize.
Survey: More Americans
Giving Up Golf

To caddy.

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