Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – MARCH 17 - 23, 2008
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MISCELLANEOUS
World's Tallest Man, World's Shortest Man Meet
Find they have nothing in common.
 
POLITICS
Analysis: White Women Voting for Clinton, Black Men for Obama
White men, black women “sitting this one out.”
Survey: Public Fed Up With Hearing Candidates Debate Important Issues
Wants them to exchange nasty, personal attacks.
 
SPORTS
World's Top Marathoner Won't
Run in Olympics Because of Smog

Fears he won't see finish line.
More Ballparks Adding
“All You Can Eat” Sections

In addition to limitless food, each fan receives a copy of The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire.
FEATURE
The most surprising news event of last week was:
A ) Big banks get huge bailout.
B ) President intervenes to weaken anti-smog rules.
C ) Governor caught with expensive prostitute.
Hint: if you answered any of the above, you have a low surprise threshold.
 
RELIGION
Vatican Lists “Polluting” Among Modern Sins
Unless it's offset by carbon credits.
 
POLL
Most Believe They're Not Better Off Now Than Four Years Ago
Some say they're not better off now than four hundred years ago.

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