Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – JUNE 23 - 29, 2008
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HIGH TECH
Humans Will Have Robot Lovers by 2050, Say Futurists
Robots will dump human lovers by 2070.
Chinese Develop UFO
Could close crackpot gap.
 
POLITICS
Gore Endorses Obama
Hopes to contribute humor, spontaneity to campaign.
 
SPORTS
Fans Assault Police to Celebrate
Celtics Championship

In hallowed tradition of American sports.
Olympics: Chinese Unveil Million-Seat Stadium
Will serve as main venue for Ping-Pong competition.
FEATURE
Last week John McCain came out for huge new investments in:
A ) solar power, wind turbines, ocean currents energy.
B ) mind power, prayer, extraterrestrial energy.
C ) nuclear power, coal plants, offshore oil drilling.
Hint: seen one mountaintop, seen ‘em all.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
Drivers With Bumper Stickers 16% More Likely to Display Road Rage
Drivers with bumper stickers that say “McCain '08” 43% more likely.
 
ALSO IN THE NEWS . . .
Chertoff Announces New High-Tech
Domestic Surveillance Program

If you've never imagined doing something illegal, you have nothing to worry about.

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