Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – JULY 7 - 13, 2008
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PEOPLE
Critics Furious Helmsley Would Leave $8 Billion to Care, Welfare of Dogs
Yet not a dime to humans, cats.
McCain Denies Claim He
Roughed Up Sandinista

Also denies he roughed up Palestinian, French-speaking Canadian, two Samoan women, pizza delivery boy.
 
PUBLISHING
LA Times to Cut Another 150 Reporters
According to wire service reports.
 
BUSINESS
Economists Predict $7/Gal. Gas
And more work-at-home economists.
Expert: General Motors Could
Face Bankruptcy

Baseball, hot dogs, apple pie next.
TECHNOLOGY
Study: Many Dial-Up Users Won't
Switch to Broadband

Fear it will "steal their soul."
Report: Flat-Screen TV's Contribute To Global Warming
But make it sharper, more realistic.
 
SCIENCE
“Pregnant Man” Gives Birth to
Baby Girl

Names her Ralph.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
New Research Finds Obesity
Levels in U.S. Alarming

Downgraded from appalling.
 
CORRECTION
 
In a recent edition we ran the headline "Guantanamo Torture Techniques Based on Methods Used by Chinese to Extract Confessions from American POWs in Korean War." The phrase should have been "extract false confessions." We apologize for the error.

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