Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – JULY 28 - AUG 3, 2008
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MISCELLANEOUS
Carp Pedicures All the Rage
Especially among carp.
 
THE WAR
U.S. Will Shift to Training Mission
As the new time horizon for U.S. troop withdrawals approaches, so does the transition from combat to training. Here’s a preview of what top U.S. officers will be training the Iraqi army to do:
  Set up military-industrial complex.
  Take over budget of civilian government.
  Subcontract to private companies beyond reach of law.
  Get hired by those companies at higher pay.
  Find comfy post-military career in lobbying.
 
SPORTS
Olympics: American Chess Boxing Team Chosen
Squad will employ left hooks, Queen's Gambit.
FEATURE
Choose A) or B) to Fill in the Blanks:
According to the Government Accountability Office, Pentagon oversight agency officials
  A ) endorsed
  B ) forced changes to
unfavorable reports on defense contracts,
  A ) highlighted
  B ) hid
contractor overbilling, and attempted to
  A ) support
  B ) hinder
an investigation. Pressure from
  A ) ordinary citizens
  B ) contractors and senior officials of the Defense Contract Audit Agency
led to
  A ) prompt release of
  B ) changes in initial reports.
Extra help: you don’t need any extra help to get this right.

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