Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – AUGUST 4 - 10, 2008
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PEOPLE
Elizabeth Dole Will Not Attend GOP Convention
She has a hair appointment.
Dan Quayle Declines "Dancing
With the Stars"

Will appear instead on "Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?"
 
BUSINESS
ExxonMobil Reports Biggest Quarterly Profit Ever for U.S. Corporation
Things aren't so bad after all.
Major Food Companies to Reduce Amount of Carcinogen in Chips, Fries
As good will gesture.
 
First Commercial Spaceship Christened by Billionaire
Hopes enough millionaire suckers will make him a trillionaire.
SCIENCE
World's Oldest Joke Traced
To 1900 BC

It begins, "Did you hear the one about...?"
Congress May Ban Phthalates
From Toys

Children could be harmed trying to pronounce it.
 
New Mars Photos Show it Was Once Just Like Earth
Highways, malls, billboards, trash, pollution – all gone.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Prescription Drug Addictions Rise
Pharmaceutical stocks soar.
Study: Prenatal Cellphone Exposure
Tied to Behavior Problems

Like talking loudly on cell phones in public.
Exercise Pill Holds Promise
For Couch Potatoes

Your patience has been rewarded.

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