Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – JAN 26 - FEB 1, 2009
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PEOPLE
Bush Recalls “A Moment” When He Felt Responsibilities of Nation’s Highest Office
Briefly, just after Cheney's heart attack.
Caroline Kennedy Withdraws Bid to Be Appointed to Senate
To, uh, clear desk for presidential run.
 
ENTERTAINMENT
Oscars, Emmys, Golden Globes Handed Out
At Award Makers Awards.
 
BUSINESS
Asset Valuations Continue Slide
Park Place assessed at $250.
Pro-Life Group Attacks Krispy Kreme for “Freedom of Choice” Promotion
Says company responsible for murdering millions of innocent doughnuts.
Flying Car Goes on Sale
Not recommended for families with teenagers.
SCIENCE
Bad News: Study Shows Pretty Women Less Faithful
Good news: study shows pretty women less faithful.
Breakthrough: Cheap Wine Passed Though Electric Field “Quite Drinkable”
But don't try this at home.
 
NASA: Large Amounts of Methane Gas Detected on Mars
May indicate presence of cows.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Study: Three Minutes of Forced
Laughter Daily Has Beneficial
Health Effects

Study commissioned by National Alliance of Ventriloquists, Mimes and Impressionists.
Research: Winning Lottery No Guarantee of Long-Term Health, Wealth
Only guarantee: you'll hear from long-lost cousin Duane.

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