Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – FEBRUARY 16 - 22, 2009
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MILESTONES
Lincoln's, Darwin's 200th Birthdays Celebrated
At one event honoring both men, tortoises were set free.
 
LIFESTYLE
  Study: 40% Have Dated Office
Colleague, 31% Married One

20% just had hot sex on the copier.
 
SPORTS
Pitchers, Catchers Report
Leave urine sample.
A-Rod Admits Taking Steroids
And not being patient enough at the plate.
MLB May Reinstate Hank Aaron as All-Time Home Run Champ
If he agrees to submit to a drug test.
 
ALSO IN THE NEWS . . .
Recession Hitting Rich Worse Than Poor
Poor have begun eating the rich.
FEATURE
The security firm Blackwater has changed its name. What is their new name?
  A ) Mayhem, Carnage, Loot & Pillage, Ltd.
  B ) Private Armies 'R' Us
  C ) Murder, Inc.
Hint: who wants to know?
 
TRAVEL
United Airlines Drops Customer
Complaint Number

Passenger satisfaction level soars, says company.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
Chavez Wins, Campaigned for “Change”
To law limiting number of terms he can serve as president.

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