Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – MARCH 2 - 8, 2009
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PEOPLE
Bushes Move to New Home in Dallas
Put up signs to keep reporters away.
Gandhi's Great-Grandson Hopes to Buy Back Great-Grandfather's Personal Effects
To decorate his new Gandhi-themed restaurant.
 
BUSINESS
Retail Sales Picking Up
For security blankets, teddy bears, worry
beads.
Your 401K: Worthless, Your Bank: a Zombie, Your Pension Fund: Insolvent
Your credit card company: bailed out,
healthy, charging 29% interest, late fees.
 
ENTERTAINMENT
  Like Great Depression, Nation
Turns to Movies

That's where comparison ends.
SCIENCE
Fish Fossils Indicate Sex 30 Million Years Older Than We Thought
So your parents may have had it after all.
There Could Be 100 Billion
Earth-Like Planets in Milky Way

All of them in debt.
 
1.5-Million-
Year-Old Footprint Shows Early Humans Walked Like Us

Nearby shoeprint (not shown) indicates further similarities.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Study Links Degrading Rap
Lyrics, Teen Sex

Finally providing answer to age-old question of why teenagers have sex.
 
CORRECTION
 
Last week, in quoting Defense Secretary Gates comparing his new boss to his old one, we mistakenly replaced his characterization of Obama as “more analytical” than Bush with the phrase “way smarter.” We regret the error.

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