Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – MAY 4 - 10, 2009
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PEOPLE
Scottish Spinster Singing Sensation Susan Boyle Gets Makeover
Now no one will take her calls.
 
INTERNET
Survey: 22% of Internet Users
Have Cancelled Subscriptions
To Newspapers

Remaining 78% “thinking about it.”
Most Twitter Users Quit Soon
After Signing Up

Notices of cancellation tend to be curt.
New Search Engine Takes
On Google by Giving Direct
Answers to Any Question

Like, “Does this dress make me look
fat?”
 
BUSINESS
H&R Block Does Fewer Tax Returns
For many, paying taxes considered luxury item.
Carnival Cancels Mexican
Cruise Stops

Passengers will get on, eat, drink, eat, drink, get off.
SCIENCE
NASA Spots Most Distant
Object Ever Seen

But cautions: objects may be closer than they appear.
New York City-Sized Ice Shelf
Breaks Off From Antarctica

Headed for New York City.
 
Researchers Prove Animals Can Dance Along to Music
Shown: Snowball the Cockatoo does the “Hokey Pokey.”
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Research Finds Good Type of
Body Fat Which Fights Obesity

No doubt the kind you have!
 
CORRECTION
 
Last week we mistakenly reported that CIA interrogators waterboarded Khalid Sheikh Mohammed 183 times in March, 2003, an average of slightly more than six times per day. In fact, there are 31 days in March, so he was waterboarded an average of slightly less than six times per day. We regret the error.

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