Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – JUNE 1 - 7, 2009
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PEOPLE
Bush, Clinton Make First Appearance Together
Hosted by Jerry Springer, show features surprise appearances by Monica Lewinsky, guy who cleared Bush of DUI.
 
ENTERTAINMENT
Twitter TV Show in Development
Due to latest writers' contract, scripts of less than 141 characters do not qualify for compensation.
Time Warner to Sell AOL
Looking for buyer who's been in coma for 10 years.
 
BUSINESS
Bad News: Economy Sinks at
5.7% in 1st Quarter

Good news: it’s only 5.7%.
Nation’s Banks Turn
Profit in 1st Quarter

Investing bailout funds in Ponzi schemes.
We Now Own Most of General Motors
“You're gonna love this company,” says dealer who sold it to us.
SCIENCE
Human Language Gene Changes Mouse's Squeak
Eventually, researchers hope animals can do own cartoon voiceovers, saving movie studios millions.
47-Million-Year-Old Primate
Fossil May Be Missing Link

Would connect simple, carefree, nature-dependent homo erectus with complex, conniving, cynical homo sapiens.
 
Vastly Improved Hubble Now Sees Too Far
Astronomers complain refurbished telescope sees universe before it was formed.
 
Dark Energy Could Provide
Power Needed to Make
Workable Warp Drive

Or at least one more Star Trek sequel.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Playing Bridge Three Hours a
Day Keeps Mind Lucid in Old Age

Control group that played Slapjack didn't fare as well.

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