Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – AUGUST 24 - 30, 2009
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PEOPLE
Just Turned 83, Stronger, Healthier Fidel Appearing More Often in Public
Right, judging Miss Hawaiian Tropic bikini contest.
 
LIFESTYLE
Recession Eliminates Conspicuous Consumption
Rich learn a Bentley will get you there just as safely and comfortably as a Rolls-Royce.
 
TECHNOLOGY
First Internet Addiction Detox Program Up and Running
Internet addicts who go to site can sign up for online counseling, regular e-mail alerts, free games.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
3000-Year-Old Bust Drawing Crowds to Chicago Museum
Many think it resembles Michael Jackson, others say LaToya.
FEATURE
40% of college students recently reported feeling “down, hopeless or depressed.” This is due to:
A ) the dim prospects for employment when they graduate.
B ) the gigantic debt they will have to pay off when they graduate.
C ) the possibility they won’t graduate.
D ) Another Saturday, no date.
Hint: If I can’t get a date now, in college, surrounded by thousands of attractive young people my own age, I will never, ever get a date in my entire life.
 
POLITICS
Heavily Armed Demonstrators Show Up at Obama Health Care Events
Protesting takeover of government by unarmed voters in last election.

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