Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – SEPT 28 - OCT 4, 2009
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NEW PRODUCTS
An Amphibious Bicycle?
Or an inflatable raft with pedals, you be the judge, but this innovative form of transportation won't cost a lot. Developed by ballplayers fleeing Cuba, it's $99 at all Surf 'n' Turf Hubby Shops.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
Tree That Grows Buddha-Shaped Pears Chopped Down
Owner replacing it with Marilyn Monroe-shaped apples.
 
TECHNOLOGY
More Simultaneously Watch
TV, Use Internet

Text, eat, masturbate while driving.
 
SPORTS
Court Ruling Could Weaken
Leagues' Anti-Doping Rules

And fill more seats.
Stadiums Warned to Watch for Terrorists
Disguised as sports fans.
FEATURE
The Defund ACORN Act is:
A )unintentionally hilarious in that it also may defund big military contractors.
B )unintentionally progressive for the same reason.
C )unintentionally educational because it’s still a “bill of attainder,” which you vaguely recall from college is unconstitutional, but don’t have any idea why.
Hint: this is what Google is for.
 
FASHION
Big Hair is Back!
Airlines, cinemas brace for problems.
POLL
62% of Americans Under Fifty Oppose Sending More Troops to Afghanistan; 52% of Those Fifty and Over Support It
Only 1 in 10,000 from either group can spell Afghanistan and find it on a map.

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