Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – OCTOBER 12 - 18, 2009
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CONSUMER NEWS
FDA Issues Warning About Eggs
One in particular (right).
Toyota Unveils “Green” Sports Car
For the socially conscious middle-aged man who can’t get it up.
 
TECHNOLOGY
Expert: World War III Could Be Fought on Internet
By nerds.
 
SPORTS
Book: Ted Williams's Frozen Head Batted Around by Lab Workers
Stan Musial cancels his agreement with lab.
Michael Vick to Star in TV Series
Filming already begun on “Lassie Come Home.”
 
LIFESTYLE
UN: Norway Best Place to Live
Except in winter.
ENVIRONMENT
  Scientists Say Global Warming Causing Sheep to Become Smaller
Global warming deniers insist their sheep have gotten bigger.
 
RELIGION
New “Conservative” Version of Christian Bible Cuts Out Liberal Passages
Deletes all mention of Jesus.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
U.S. Blocks NY Philharmonic
Trip to Cuba

Fears percussion section may defect en masse.
  Beauty Pageant in Hungary
For Cosmetic Surgery Patients
Draws Crowds

Once again, Miss Face Lift is runner-up to Miss Boob Job.
Chicago: Sears Building Opens See-Through Glass “Ledge” on 103rd Floor
For visitors tripping on acid.

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