Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – NOVEMBER 2 - 8, 2009
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ENTERTAINMENT
Jon to Date Octomom on New Reality Show
“Nadir” debuts next month.
Cops Nab Teens Who Stole From Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton
Lohan, Hilton agree to portray teens in movie based on caper.
 
MEDIA
Big City Newspapers' Circulation Down 25% in Last 6 Months
According to reliable blogs.
 
BUSINESS
Walmart Begins Selling Caskets, Urns
Walmart employees without health benefits begin buying them.
U.S. Airways, American
Cut 1,700 Jobs

Add jobs in Fare Obfuscation, Passenger Discomfort Maximization.
Economic Data Suggests Recession Over
But many consumers (right) still saving rubber bands.
SCIENCE
Geneticists: 30% of Humans May Possess “Bad Driving” Gene
DNA test to replace driving test.
Endangered Ocean Coral to Be Cryogenically Preserved
For some future rich guy's aquarium.
 
German Cloning Experiment Goes Haywire Number of Chancellor Merkel clones doubles every ten days.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
WHO: Sex, Alcohol, Fat World’s Biggest Killers
World agrees to cut back on alcohol, fat.
Plastic Surgeons’ Study: Daughters Age Like Their Mothers
If your mom had an expensive chin tuck, so will you.
Report: Workplace Stress Declines After Age 55
According to survey of female staffers on Letterman show.

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