Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – NOV 30 - DEC 6, 2009
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TECHNOLOGY
Einstein Robot Most Realistic Yet
Prosthetics, millions of transistors and Einstein's actual brain add to realism.
 
POLITICS
Conservatives Issue 10-Point Checklist for All GOP Candidates
Any prospective Republican running for office must oppose:
 
  1.   health reform
  2.   abortion
  3.   taxes
  4.   cap and trade
  5.   entitlements
  6.   mandates
  7.   regulations
  8.   foreign aid
  9.   disarmament
  10.   litmus tests
 
MEDIA
Lou Dobbs Hints at Presidential Run in 2012
Could draw considerable number of birthers away from Palin.
FEATURE
By declaring profits in offshore tax havens, Goldman Sachs will now pay the U.S. government at a rate of:
  A ) 25%
  B ) 15%
  C ) 10%
  D ) 1%
Hint: they would have paid less, but they wanted us all to know how deeply grateful they are for the billions in bailouts.
 
SPORTS
Exposed: Huge Soccer
Game-Fixing Scandal

Hundreds of players paid to run up and down field, hardly ever scoring.
New Study Finds More Attractive Athletes More Likely to Win
Larry Bird could not be reached for comment.

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