Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – DECEMBER 7 - 13, 2009
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PEOPLE
Film Surfaces Showing Marilyn Monroe Smoking Pot
Rumored 8mm of Betty Grable and Lana Turner sharing a bong has not turned up.
Sarah Palin Dines With Billy Graham
Says he's “a hoot.”
 
BUSINESS
GM Removes “Mark of Excellence” Badge From Cars
Replaces it with “Most of Your Money Back Guarantee.”
Dubai May Have to Sell Some Assets
Like slave laborers.
Delta Offers Flight From Hawaii to Detroit
With connecting short hop to Hell.
SCIENCE
New Study: Humans May Be Naturally Inclined to Help Others
Despite 50,000 years of overwhelming evidence to the contrary.
Examples of Several Species Spotted That Were Thought Extinct
Among them: Dodo birds, wooly mammoths, liberals.
 
 
To Cut Costs, Brits Shut Down UFO Hotline After 50 Years of Operation
Any new reports of UFO sightings will be automatically transferred to Ministry of Silly Walks.
 
CORRECTION
 
We erred when we reported that New York state senators voted against a measure to legalize gay marriage despite threats to withhold huge campaign contributions made by gay lobbyists. Gays have no lobbyists who could withhold huge campaign contributions. We regret any confusion caused by our mistake.

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