Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – JANUARY 11 - 17, 2010
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KUDOS
Glenn Beck Honored
Topped every year-end “Worst” list.
 
CONSUMER NEWS
New Smart Bra Expands When
Body Temperature Rises

Hers, not yours.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
Archeologists Discover Home of One of Jesus’ Childhood Neighbors
Currently suffering eternal damnation for giving Jesus a wedgie.
Study: Looks Matter More in City
Less when on desert island.
New Book Claims Warren Beatty Bedded 12,775 Women
Based on interviews with 12,775 women.
 
SPORTS
Fox Anchor Brit Hume: Tiger Woods Should Convert to Christianity
And become a Republican.
KIDZ KORNER
Write Your Own News Story

(fill in the blanks)

A new terrorist threat has been growing in the remote regions of _____, where the corrupt central government is so weak it virtually does not exist beyond the capital of _____. In the mountainous province of _____, local warlords rule through a tribal system marked by drug trafficking and extortion, making it an ideal breeding ground for ______, a group affiliated with _____, which finds eager recruits in ___, ____, and _______. Due to political instability, rampant corruption and widespread sympathy for the ______, there is virtually _____either the central government or their western allies can do about it.
 
CHESS
Norway Teen Becomes Youngest to Top World Chess Rankings
But he's turned down for “Dancing With the Stars.”

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