Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – APRIL 5 - 11, 2010
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PEOPLE
Carla Bruni Seen in New York
With some French guy.
Sarah Palin Addresses S&M Convention
Says McCain “kinkier than he looks.”
 
BUSINESS
U.S. Selling Citigroup Shares
To eager investors, banking on next government bailout.
$700 Billion of Junk Bond Debt Coming Due in 2012
As predicted in Mayan Calendar.
Housing Market Rebound Begins
It may take some time before it reaches your neighborhood.
SCIENCE
Copernicum Named 112th
Element in Periodic Table

Announcement hailed by makers of large periodic table wall charts.
Toads Leave Area 5 Days
Before Earthquakes

If you see toads leaving town, call your insurance agent.
Hadron Collider Operational,
Proton Beams Smash Together

Parallel universe created, possibly this one.
Door to Afterlife Discovered in Egypt
Key still missing.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Study: Junk Food as Addictive as Cocaine, Heroin
Concurrent study finds cocaine, heroin as addictive as junk food.
Study: We're Happier When We Have More Than Next Guy
More likely to go berserk when we don't.

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