Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – APRIL 26 - MAY 2, 2010
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PEOPLE
Winner of $258 Million Jackpot Says He's Getting “Two New Front Teeth”
And indoor plumbing.
Author Says Eliot Spitzer
“Itching to Get Back Into It”

Also eyeing possible return to public life.
 
MEDIA
“Right Network” to Make its Debut
Cable channel aimed at viewers “fed up with left-leaning Fox News.”
 
BUSINESS
Goldman Sachs First Quarter Earnings Up 90%
Despite problems in one of its subsidiaries, the United States Government.
Financial Reform Seems
Almost Certain

Tough new rules to easily get around will soon be law.
New $100 Bill Employs 3-D Technology
Without 3-D glasses it's a ten.
SCIENCE
Anthropologists Find No Evidence of Donner Party Cannibalism
Just some Subway wrappers.
Study: Male Monkeys Hold
Babies to Make Friends

And maybe get lucky.
 
Oceans Worsening From Pollution
But producing some pretty entertaining fish.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Study: Brain Games Don't Make You Smarter
Throw away the Sudoku puzzle and rent Kick-Ass.
WellPoint Used Computer Algorithm to Target Newly Diagnosed Breast Cancer Patients for Insurance Cancellation
And you thought algorithms weren’t useful.
Study: Spanking Makes Kids More Aggressive
Conclusion: passive, withdrawn children should be spanked repeatedly.

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