Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – APRIL 26 - MAY 2, 2010
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MISCELLANEOUS
Archie Comics Introduces First Gay Character
Both Archie and Jughead are in love with him.
 
HIGH TECH
McAfee Anti-Virus Update
Causes Computers Around
The World to Freeze

Follow-up update easily fixes problem, but only for those without frozen computers.
New Microsoft Phone Includes
All Social Networking

Need for actual friends reduced to zero.
New Scanner Can Scan
250-page Book in 60 Seconds

Still can’t compete with average college freshman.
 
LAW
Arizona Legislature Passes Bill
Requiring Presidential Candidates
To Produce Birth Certificates

Dental records, urine samples, two references.
Banks which got bailout aid from U.S. taxpayers:
A )cut back lending more than those that didn’t.
B )paid out more to their own employees than those that didnít.
C )had a lot more parties than those that didnít.
D )all of the above.
Hint: think Jell-O shots.
 
TRAVEL
60 Passengers Injured As Carnival Cruise Ship Lists
When all-you-can-eat buffet opens on port side.
 
LIFESTYLE
College Fraternity's “Old South Days” Cancelled Due to Racial Insensitivity
Replaced by “Jim Crow Days.”

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