Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – MAY 31 - JUNE 6, 2010
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PEOPLE
Chain-Smoking 2-Year-Old Trying to Quit
But Sumatran toddler too young to chew gum or wear nicotine patch.
 
BOOKS
Bush: Book Begins With His
Decision to Stop Drinking

Ends with God telling him to invade Iraq.
 
BUSINESS
Lehman Brothers Sues
JPMorgan Chase

Bets on outcome being sold as securities.
FBI Arrests Two at Disney
For Insider Trading

Scrooge McDuck, nephew Donald released on own recognizance.
America's Oldest Restaurant, Opened in 1681, Goes Out of Business
Owners blame decision to never raise prices in 329 years.
SCIENCE
Global Positioning System
Getting an Upgrade

Soon you'll be able to precisely pinpoint your location anywhere in the world, and so will your wife.
UK: Giant Crop Circle Depicts Arcane Mathematical Formula
Appears to be unified field theory.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Study: Milk from Grass-Fed
Cows Healthier

Also healthier: double-chocolate peanut butter malted milkshakes from grass-fed cows.
Flibanserin, “Viagra for Women,” Proves Effective in Trials
According to researchers, women given drug were “much more fun” than those given placebo.
Drinking Alcohol Lowers
Diabetes Risk

Raises risk of falling off balcony.

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