Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – AUGUST 2 - 8, 2010
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PEOPLE
Ahmadinejad Declares Paul the Psychic Octopus Symbol of Western Propaganda and Superstition
After octopus predicts Iran will have nuclear weapons in two years.
 
PUBLISHING
Colorado Newspaper Hires
Marijuana Critic

He's chosen from among 131,000,000 applicants.
 
BUSINESS
China Passes U.S. in
Consumption of Oil

U.S. passes China in consumption of cadmium.
GM Rolls Out Second Electric Car
Like first one, $41,000 Chevy Volt will be available for three years, then destroyed.
SCIENCE
Scientists Closing in on
Elusive "God Particle"

Just a little more funding and they'll find it.
Method Found to Gauge Emotional
Well-Being of Pigs

Confirms nothing happier than a pig in shit.
Physicists Call for Building Even Bigger Particle Collider
One that's too big to fail.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Kraft to Cut Salt in Products Sold in North America by 10%
Will make up for it by increasing sugar, fat.
Study: One Version of DRD4 Gene Makes You Drink As Much as Your Companion
Another version makes you take off your clothes and dance on the table.
 
MILESTONES
World's Oldest Twitter User, 104, Dies
Last tweet: “going thru tunnel now, c brite lite, what R U doing?”

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