Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – AUGUST 2 - 8, 2010
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MISCELLANEOUS
Churchill's Dentures Sell at Auction for $23,780
Field Marshal Montgomery's bedpan (not shown) fetches $9,210.
GOP Congressman Pulled Over While Doing a Radio Interview
For driving under the influence of banks.
 
INTERNET
Parents Lament Kids Spending
More Time Online

And less watching TV.
Facebook Presents 500 Millionth Member With Ultimate Honor
Privacy.
 
SPORTS
NFL Camps Open With Brutal Workouts
Naive rookies report; wily veterans claim they're thinking of retiring, show up on last day of last week of camp.
U.S. Basketball Team Undersized Heading Into World Championships
First American squad with five Jewish starters since 1928.
NEW PRODUCTS
Digital Food Fabricator Fabricates Food Digitally!
Just press "Filet Mignon with Baked Potato and Creamed Spinach," quickly slide your plate under the excretion tube and in seconds you'll have a steaming hot dinner, cooked precisely the way you like it. Doubles as an ink-jet printer. $899.95 at all How Do They Do That? stores.
 
ODDS 'N' ENDS
Good Luck Charms Really Work
According to study commissioned by Las Vegas Convention and Visitors Bureau.
 
CONSUMER NEWS
Toyota’s Latest Recall: Steering Wheel Lock-Up
Could be problematic during uncontrollable acceleration.
Colgate, Glaxo Sue Each Other Over “Nurdle,” Wave-Shaped Toothpaste Blob That Sits on Toothbrush
Proving again if you want job security, go to law school.

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