Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – AUGUST 16 - 22, 2010
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PEOPLE
Bristol Palin Ridicules Levi Johnston's Campaign for Mayor of Wasilla
Later reveals their engagement's back on.
Newt Gingrich's Second Wife Gives Scathing Interview to Esquire
Note: she's the one who married him while his first wife was dying of cancer.
 
MEDIA
Over-40 Actresses Dominate
September Magazine Covers

According to Airbrush Week.
 
BUSINESS
For First Time in 18 Months
Productivity Falls

Except in sweatshops.
GM Happily Announces
Profit of $1.3 Billion

Credits closing 1000 dealerships, firing 300,000 workers, heavy borrowing.
Treasury Reissues $100,000 Bills
Hopes it stimulates spending.
SCIENCE
Study: Firstborns Smarter
Also more inclined to publish studies on sibling intelligence.
Ancestors Used Tools to
Eat Meat One Million
Years Earlier Than Thought

Two million years before sandwiches.
 
F.D.A. Approves 5-Day Emergency Contraceptive
For those 4-day holiday weekends.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Study Says Arguments Good for Health
Study's authors no longer speaking, but they feel fine.
Report: Food Dyes, Used in Virtually Every Food Product, Cause Cancer
Consumers urged to avoid all food products until further notice.
 
CORRECTION
 
Last week we reported that former President George W. Bush was contrite and apologetic for his actions of several years ago. We meant former USC football player Reggie Bush. We regret the error.

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