Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – JANUARY 3 - 9, 2011
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PEOPLE
Hugh Hefner, 84 Engaged to 24-Year-Old
She wants ceremony no later than tomorrow afternoon.
No Pardon for Dead Outlaw
Billy the Kid

Lawyer says she'll take case all the way to the Supreme Being.
Biden Says Gay Marriage "Inevitable"
Like death and taxes.
 
BUSINESS
Economy: Jobless Rate
Continues to Fall

In Mumbai.
Luxury Items Selling Again
According to Conspicuous Consumer Index.
Postal Service Declares All New First Class Stamps “Forever”
Or until Postal Service eliminated.
HEALTH / MEDICINE
New England Journal of Medicine Urges Surgeons to Tell Patients How Much Sleep They’ve Had Night Before Surgery
Also if sex was any good.
One Third of 9-Month-Olds
Obese or Overweight

Next year breasts will have to display calorie count.
 
 
Pill Being Developed to Control Alcohol Consumption
It will be sold in the shape of a beer nut.
 
SCIENCE
Archeologist's Find Shows
Homo Sapiens Originated
In Israel 400,000 Years Ago

Pushes first human argument back 200,000 years.
Gene Codes Cracked for
Strawberries, Chocolate

Sorry, they were all out of vanilla.

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