Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – MARCH 21 - 27, 2011
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PEOPLE
Japan's Emperor Goes on TV to Reassure Nation
Calls crisis “best of all worst-case scenarios.”
 
ENTERTAINMENT
Justin Bieber's Shoes Draw Crowds in Toronto
But his concert is cancelled due to slow ticket sales.
 
MEDIA
Head of Fox News Resigns
After secret recording catches him saying something bad about liberals.
 
BUSINESS
Pepsi Designs 100% Recyclable Plant-Based Bottle
To hold its artificially flavored, artificially colored sugar water.
SCIENCE
Brit Study: 3-Year Glitch
Replaces 7-Year Itch

Still results in six-month trial.
NASA Scientist: Alien Life
Found on Meteorite

Microscopic bacteria surprised by how primitive we are.
 
Researchers Give Robots Ability to Know When They Have Your Attention
Programmed to clear throat, tap feet, whistle nervously until they do.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
10,000 Pounds of Lean Cuisine Frozen Spaghetti and Meatballs Recalled for Presence of Foreign Material
Specifically: spaghetti and meatballs.
Study: Canada Has Much Lower Obesity Rate Than U.S.
Americans urged to switch to Canadian bacon.

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