Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – AUGUST 1 - 7, 2011
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ENTERTAINMENT
Antiques Roadshow Record: Wooden Cups Valued at $1.5 Million
Stunned owner paid only $750,000 for them.
 
BUSINESS
McDonald's Adds Fruit to Happy Meals
There's a raisin hidden in every toy.
Merck to Cut 13,000 Jobs
Will retain only sales force and lobbyists.
Report: Apple Has More Cash Than U.S. Treasury
Tim Geithner asks Steve Jobs to remember us in his will.
Bernanke: Regulators Will Soon Lay Out Rules for Too-Big-to-Fail Banks
Like: never mind.
SCIENCE
Baboon Study: Alpha Males More Stressed Than Lower-Ranked Males
For which they receive huge banana bonuses.
Finding: Diversity of Species Plummeting Worldwide
Soon it will be just us and the cockroaches (and then just the cockroaches).
 
Ocean Explorers Discover Underwater UFO
Hope to lower Geraldo Rivera in diving bell.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Finding: Chewing Food 40 Times Results in 12% Weight Loss
But tough on dinner conversation.
Study: A Good Cry Doesn't
Make You Feel Better

Or garner support from right wing of your party.

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