Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – OCTOBER 24 - 30, 2011
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PEOPLE
Berlusconi Wins 53rd Confidence Vote
After hosting his 53rd bunga bunga party.
 
ENTERTAINMENT
Peter Pan Prequel Heads to Broadway
Working title: “Young Captain Hook.”
 
BUSINESS
CEO Pay Rose 28% Last Year
But lagged behind caviar which rose 30%.
Citigroup Agrees to Pay $285 Million to Settle $1 Billion Fraud Suit
Also agrees to write “I will not trick people into giving me money to invest in worthless derivatives and then bet against them” 285 million times.
Scale Model Lamborghini to Be Auctioned for $4.7 Million
Seller will throw in a real Lamborghini if bidding is slow.
SCIENCE
Report: Comet That Just Missed
Earth in 1883 Would Have
Destroyed All Life on Planet

Had it hit there would have been no premiere of Gilbert and Sullivan's Ida, or the election of Grover Cleveland, or the completion of the Washington Monument, or anything else for that matter.
Group of Scientists Once
Skeptical of Global Warming
Now Agree It's Happening

Only holdouts are running for president.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Report: No Cancer Danger From Cellphones
Just the slow erosion of our sanity.
Doctors Group Urges No TV for Children Under Two Years Old
Except in their waiting rooms.
Study: 38% of Europeans Mentally Ill
But happy they don't have to pay for treatment.
 
TECHNOLOGY
Gallup Poll: Most Facebook Users Not Concerned About Privacy
Feel “the less privacy, the better.”

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