 NEW LAWS
GO INTO EFFECT
For example, you can now be thrown in jail
and kept there forever by your government. |
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| WORLD NEWS |
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2012 Begins With World
On Brink of Economic Collapse
A big improvement. |
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Iraq's Al-Maliki Calls for
Unity, Political Stability
And fewer death squads. |
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| POLITICS |
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 Gingrich Drops
Sharply in Polls
Tiffany lowers his credit line to $500,000. |
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| ALSO IN THE NEWS . . . |
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 Giant
Spotted at Kim Jong-il Funeral
Believed to be at least six feet tall. |
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| U. S. NEWS |
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Undecideds Will Once Again
Determine Election Outcome
Uninformed voters oblivious to the issues and
without any opinions hold key to victory. |
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Republicans Say They Can
Support New Taxes
Like a poll tax. |
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| REMINDER |
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When you drive, bring
a designated texter. |
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Report: Since 1984 Median
Net Worth of House Members
Has Doubled
And yet, oddly, their salaries haven't gone up. |
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New Yorkers’ Life Expectancy
2.5 Years Longer Than National Average
Most of it spent in traffic. |
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Poll: Most Americans Looking
Forward to Better Year
Right up until the Apocalypse. |
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