| PEOPLE |
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 Romney
Earns Trump's Endorsement
After showing him his offshore holdings. |
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| ENTERTAINMENT |
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Citizen Kane to Be Screened
At Hearst Castle
Over William Randolph Hearst's dead body. |
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| BUSINESS |
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Study: U.S. Workers Spend $1,000 on
Coffee, $2,000 on Lunch
And $3000 on removing stains. |
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Facebook Going Public
Now everyone can own a piece of themselves. |
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 McDonald's
Says it Has Stopped Using Ammonium Hydroxide
in Its Hamburgers
But will add it if requested. |
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| SCIENCE |
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Study: Marked Increase in
Number of Pedestrians Killed
While Wearing Headphones
Some listening to reports about increase
in number of pedestrians killed while
wearing headphones. |
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 Rare
White Penguin Spotted in Antarctica
As predicted in Mayan Calendar. |
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| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
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Push on to Designate Sugar a Toxin
And high fructose corn syrup a weapon of mass destruction. |
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 Susan G.
Komen Foundation Reverses Controversial
Defunding of Planned Parenthood
Person responsible commits suicide using
Susan G. Komen Hope for the Cure handgun. |
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