Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – MAR 26 - APR 1, 2012
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EDUCATION
Monsanto Distributing Biotechnology “Educational Materials” to Young Children
They point out how many of their favorite superheroes are the result of biotechnology.
MISCELLANEOUS
New Guidelines Allow Government to Retain Your Private Information for 5 Years
If you're guilty of no crimes, never owed money, don't have a name similar to that of someone who has been in trouble or owed money and there are absolutely no computer glitches in the government's ancient computer system during the next five years, then you have nothing to worry about.
 
INTERNET
Three of Nationís Biggest Dating Sites Agree to Screen for Sexual Predators
Even if it means going out of business.
 
SPORTS
NFL Suspends Coach Over Bounty Program
Also announces new award honoring top sacks leader.
Oil prices are rising and are expected to continue rising through the spring, summer and fall because:
A )supply is tight.
B )the invisible hand of the free market system is moving in mysterious ways.
C )UFOs are using alien technology to siphon off our reserves for Mars.
D )there's a Presidential election coming up, and Wall Street, Big Oil, and the banksters would really love to have a Republican in the White House.
Hint: supply isnít tight, the hand ainít invisible, and Mars doesnít run on oil.
 
ENTERTAINMENT
Hung Jury in Desperate Housewives Case
Judge declares mistrial after jury holds out for script approval in movie based on case.
 
ODDS 'N' ENDS
ROMNEY WINS BIG IN ILLINOIS
Lowest turnout in decades.

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