Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – MAY 28 - JUN 3, 2012
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BUSINESS
Condos in Bomb-Proof Missile Silo Reportedly Sold Out
Buyers see it as great place to raise family of paranoids.
Facebook IPO Flops
Investors feel price too high for company that makes nothing, does nothing, earns nothing.
Despite Huge Trading Losses, Dimon Retains Job at JPMorgan Chase
Because who could have guessed that European bonds would lose market value?
 
PUBLISHING
  X-Men Comic Features Gay Wedding
Edition sold in some states changes wedding to civil union.
TECHNOLOGY
Report: Google's Street View Cars Have Been Surreptitiously Gathering Personal Data
Company says it has no immediate plans to blackmail everyone on Earth.
 
CONSUMER NEWS
Consumer Mood Improves as
Gas Prices Fall

Consumers left with more money for beer, pot, meds, meth.
 
SPORTS
Study: 11% of Americans Call in
Sick to Watch Sporting Event

Then actually get sick when boss sees their great catch of foul ball that night on ESPN.
 
ODDS 'N' ENDS
Vial of Ronald Reagan's Blood Goes Up for Auction
Perfect for the man who has everything but needs to pass a drug test.

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